Social Dancing is a huge area to write on. It is inexhaustible, and as social Lindy Hop dancing develops, so do new things pop up to be written about. This post cannot be exhaustive, naturally. I think's its just a good starting-off point. I will start off with something important to me, which i think is important to social dancing and Lindy Hop in general.
A discussion on GOOD & BAD / RIGHT & WRONG in Social Dancing (disclaimer - the views expressed here are my own) When i started social dancing in 2002, these labels were already present. There were good social dancers and bad social dancers. As a beginner, I remember trying very hard to improve so that I would not fall into the bad category. I didn't think much of the implications nor the more complex ideas that underpin the existence of such labels, after all, the main aim was to dance and be good at dancing, and naturally, that included being good at social dancing. So the first thing to note is - these labels have been in existence since before the Savoy. The Savoy had a Cats Corner where the best dancers would hang out and dance with each other, and you had to prove yourself before you could dance in the Cats Corner. Similarly, Whitey chose the dancers he thought were the better ones, or who had the most potential, to be part of his Lindy Hop teams, and he was picking them out of the dancers he was looking at in the Savoy ballroom, so i presume/assume, that he was looking at dancers who were social dancing at the Savoy and picking out who he thought were good or had potential to be good. In other words, some form of this labeling of good and bad social dancers was already present in the 1930s, although i certainly cannot speak for Whitey and what he thought was good or bad. In a modern day context, I think we need to discuss the whole thing a little bit and define the terms clearly. I'm gonna go with the things i personally find important to social dance - To start, we can eliminate STYLE - which is an aesthetic and is subjective. STYLE includes how you like to dance, what you think looks pretty or appropriate for dancing, what sort of presentation and vibe you would like to give your dance. I think of it as fashion for the dance - like putting clothes on - what kind of colours, casual or formal clothes, mix and match, shirt or t shirt, jeans or pants ... As STYLE is highly personal and subjective, STYLE does not fall into a category of good or bad unless the STYLE you like to dance is disrespectful, dangerous or hurtful to others (elaboration later). TECHNIQUE can be labelled good or bad. In order to give a more impartial basis to technique, we need to use more objective qualities to define whether technique is good or bad. i like to use the qualities effectiveness and efficiency. Secondary qualities that i like to use in consideration of good or bad technique is clarity and comfort. By effectiveness, i mean success in producing a desired or intended result, so the technique being used should be able to consistently produce the same desired result most, if not all of the time. A lead is ultimately a type of signal. If the lead signal is not effective, it will fail to produce repeatable results and that's when we decide "ok, we need to learn how to lead something better." By efficiency, i mean achieving maximum productivity with minimum wasted effort or energy. For example, generally speaking, a more rigid frame is more tiring to dance with, regardless of whether you are a leader or follower. It is NOT WRONG TO DANCE WITH A RIGID FRAME, just LESS EFFICIENT and therefore LESS EFFECTIVE in terms of the mechanics of social dancing. Here, if we were to apply the label "WRONG/BAD", it refers to "less efficient, more tiring, therefore less effective". We could say the same about arm-leading or arm-following. If you led or followed with your arm and not with your body, at the end of the social dance, you would generally go home feeling very tired in your arm, and waking up with muscle ache in your biceps and shoulders the next day. By clarity, i mean the clearness of the signal/communication being used between the 2 partners. A speaking analogy works well here - rambling, mumbling, stuttering are all forms of unclear speech that makes communication difficult. If we apply that to a dancing context, we can see that the lead & follow signals we use should not be rambling, mumbling, stuttering or otherwise unclear. By comfort i mean ease, relaxed, free from pain or tightness/restriction. Injuries, discomfort, tiredness, ache are signs that dancing was not comfortable. (here we'll not discuss muscle capability - which is the strength needed by the muscles to perform dance moves. If you have weaker muscles, they will ache after dance but that is not the same context we are discussing currently) You can begin to see how the qualities interact with each other in a social dancing situation, good technique is more effective, clear, efficient and comfortable to use than otherwise. Even so, all of the qualities that i've described above are different for different people. I absolutely dislike waking up with tired arms the next day but not tired legs or core. Some people might prefer tired arms to tired legs or core. It's hard to say. At this point, i think if i were to thoroughly explain each and every thing to do with each and every quality, it would take FOREVER, literally. If you have specific questions come talk to me on Fridays or after class when/where you see me. Last one - COMMUNICATION, by which i refer to the way the 2 parties in the dance communicate and exchange information, as well as the temporary relationship we have for the duration of that 3 min song. Communication can obviously be good or bad, once again thinking back to a speaking analogy. We all know that misunderstandings and arguments can occur when people do not communicate well, and in a dance context, frustration and injuries can occur if lead & follow do not communicate well. The desire to maintain good communication is a kind of respect for your partner and the whole partnership. I think people don't think much of this in a dance context but i find this to be super important. Using a conversation analogy, it's like when you're talking to someone, sharing something and you find the person distracted with the phone or blanking out, not really listening to you, not really there with you. Conversations work best when both parties are present and engaged in the conversation, and why should lead & follow be any different? Your partner should be engaged with you fully present all the way for that 3 minute song and not distracted by other things, like looking in the mirror, making eyes at someone else standing at the wall etc. Now - the bad stuff - Whatever that is disrespectful, dangerous or hurtful to others is bad for our dance. This too, is very broad, and i don't want to spend a lot of time discussing this here. In any case, any form of physical harm or injury is bad. Now, accidents can occur, but they should be one-offs and corrected asap. If accidents happen frequently, then something is wrong. It's the same for feelings of discomfort or tiredness. If your leg or arm is aching very frequently after dance, something is off. Go take the time to find out what is the problem. If you frequently feel unsafe or hesitant to dance with someone, something is off. Take the time to figure out what & why and decide on a course of action. This includes areas concerning physical boundaries and privacy, as well as basic respect for each other as human beings. Being rude, being pushy, being aggressive all fall under this category. Leaders need to be more aware of follows' permissions, especially when it concerns close hold full body contact, airsteps, tricks and dips. Follows should not be forced into doing steps that they are not comfortable with or dislike. Also, we need to be very clear on intention when we come dancing - for example - Guys should not come to dance wanting to pick up girls/hookups and girls should not come to dance looking for husbands or boyfriends. We are here to dance, have a good time and interact in a socially appropriate manner that makes everyone feel safe & comfortable. These things should stay outside of the dance venue and not be mixed in together with dance. Like i said, this is really broad and this barely covers the issues in this area. I would like to ask anyone who feels discomfort or unsafe to come & speak with the teacher or organizer that you feel safe to confide in, whether at the venue you usually dance, or another venue. Sometimes you are uncertain if something is indeed wrong and need clarification. Come talk to us confidentially, don't just ignore the red flags in your head. ----- I think what makes this labeling of good and bad tricky is that each person has different thresholds for what is acceptable/not acceptable and different perceptions for what is good/bad. If we talk about a yank, where a leader forcefully pulls a follow, some follows will be more ok with it and others not so ok with it. It's a complex scenario where whether or not a follow gets injured depends on several factors and not just solely on pain threshold or technique or communication. At this point, i think its just important for dancers to begin thinking about what's good and whats bad for you personally as a dancer and have conversations and discussions with other dancers about those things. I think discussing it will lead to new insights or realizations about "good and bad"/"right and wrong". Honestly i don't think there's another way except to discuss it and learn through the process of discussion. Coming back to social dancing, what are the implications? For one, everyone likes dancing with a "good" dancer. If you've been to workshops or dance weekends, you can see the queue form for the visiting teachers, everyone wants to dance with them - and the reason is that they are (PERCEIVED by the workshop participants to be) good dancers and therefore everyone wants to dance with them to see how that feels like. From the perspective of the regular social dancer, that's what we come to dance for - to have a good time and to have good dances with other people. Based on the reasoning above, i think its fair and respectful for each individual to understand and become more aware of the person you're dancing with - basically, that means to get to know the person better, understand where they are coming from, in terms of wanting to dance, reasons for dancing. We don't do this often enough. Many people come to dance with many different intentions and motivations, some are valid, others a bit iffy, and some might be dangerous or criminal. From a personal safety aspect we should try and get to know the people we are dancing with so we can better gauge their personality and character and not throw caution to the wind and expect that the organizer will keep the place safe or that the people who come to Lindy Hop are always without fail, nice. We do this in our daily life - we take stock of people and situations because it's our personal responsibility to do and we should not shirk that responsibility when it comes to Lindy Hop and social dancing. Looking at the sexual assault cases that have rocked the Lindy Hop scene globally in recent years, i feel being responsible for one's personal safety is still the best option. The organizer wants to keep the venue safe, but the organizer is not gonna be omnipresent to see everything that goes wrong, so rather than place the responsibility on the organizer fully, just do it like how you would do in regular life. Another issue that would affect the perception of good/bad and right/wrong is commonality between people for dancing. People with more similar motivations, reasons, values and mindsets will get more out of dancing with each other than dancing with someone who has vastly differently motivations and values from you. Once again, getting to know the other person is the only way to know if this person is more similar or more different to you in terms of those values and beliefs. In our dance we welcome all types. It's part of the spirit of Lindy Hop to be open and welcoming, and also the diversity and freedom really exemplifies some aspects of the original Spirit of the dance. What happens quite frequently, although it doesn't seem to be addressed much, is when 2 dancers come together with differing values and motivations for dancing. The question here is - Is it possible for people with different motivations and values to have an enjoyable dance together? How can someone, who likes flashy stuff, dance with someone who likes to keep it simple? How can someone who values connection, dance with someone who doesn't? How can someone, who takes dance seriously and is always trying hard to improve, dance with someone who views dance only as a hobby, a recreation, something not so important? How can these 2 parties dance with each other, and still have the best possible time together for the next 3 mins? My answer is - yes, it's possible but it may not be as much fun as when you dance with someone who has more commonality with you. But there are exceptional circumstances where it can be more fun as well. What i am about to discuss may be controversial or offensive, so it needs to be taken in its full context. We need to have this understanding when we come for social - Don't go into a dance - thinking only about what you are getting out of it and your personal motivations for dancing - thinking, "this other person is here at the same place as i am, therefore he/she must want the same things as i do when it comes to dancing". Don't assume that - all the different people dancing Lindy Hop at any given social are all wanting to enjoy the dance the way you do, or wanting to get the same things you want/get out of dancing. - because everyone is indeed there to have a good time, that what you think is a good time is the same as what another person's idea of a good time is. We see this issue with guys/leaders very often - their idea of a good time is (for example) showing off flashy moves, lots and lots of spins and tricks, jamming at fast tempos. And there is AUTOMATICALLY the (wrong) assumption that this is what the follows want as well. It could not be further from the truth, isn't that right follows? But it doesn't only apply to this specific scenario, it applies to all scenarios where people have different motivations for dancing. As a teacher, i have very different motivations for dancing than a recreational dancer. It would be presumptuous of the recreational dancer to assume that what he/she wants out of dancing is what i want out of dancing too, and ask me for a dance with that assumption/expectation in mind. For example, recently someone asked me at an event i was at - "What, leaving so soon? Why don't you dance? There's a live band, the weather is cool, you came all the way, you're still young..." But for me, the wet/muddy grass, the light drizzle and the outdoor setting are all big "no"s for me. This person was superimposing their personal ideas and assumptions about dance onto me. To this person, the setting was good enough to dance, for me it was not. In this case, no harm done, but it shows a lack of understanding between us. Conversely, it would presumptuous of a serious dancer/a dancer who is serious about improving, to assume that everyone who comes to dance wants to dance at a high level and constantly work at their dance. That is certainly not true for a lot of the folks who come dancing, for whom social dancing is recreational/leisure. So then you get these rumblings of discontent that sometimes you hear about - "...this leader is so boring to dance with, he always does the same thing, never improves..." "...this follow doesn't connect with me, how am i supposed to lead her like this...?" "...it's so stressful to dance with this person, they are so intense about being a good dancer but i'm not...." "...why does this leader always want to dance fast songs only and keep spinning me...?" - stuff like that. But really, when you think about it, I feel it's just people not understanding each other well and not making compromises when dancing with each other. It all boils down to the understanding that different people have different motivations and desires and one should not assume things. The following 2 points might help - 1. Treat each person as unique and individual. Get to know the person better. This allows you to adapt your style of dance (if possible) and also adjust expectations (if possible) when you go for the dance. I don't think we do this often enough, either bcos we are not versatile, technically speaking, or we are too focused on getting what we want out of the 3 mins. We hardly stop to consider what would work best FOR THE PARTNERSHIP. If we were to do that, i think it would really make a mile of difference. The power of this quality of "willingness to communicate/be open and listening" to the other person is powerful in transforming your experience on the dance floor. 2. If the differences are too far apart and there is no room for compromise, just say no to the dance. At our venues, we generally discourage people from saying no, but the reason/context is really different from here. We don't want shyness, insecurities or doubt to prevent you from having a good time, from giving the dance a chance to make you happy, so we tell all our beginners, if someone asks you, don't refuse. Give dance a chance, don't let your personal doubts and fears get in the way of trying out the dance and having a good time. This context of commonality/differences is entirely different. Here we are talking about the preferences each individual has and usually we are talking about intermediate and above social dancers who have already decided on certain perferences. If a leader likes to do airsteps and dance fast songs, and you are a follow who doesn't, it's better to say no, unless you can make some sort of compromise about it and feel ok with what will happen when u say yes - then that's fine. The important thing is to know whether you'll feel ok about what's going to happen next but if dancing with a particular person consistently makes you feel unhappy, unsafe or frustrated, then it's better to turn down the dance. So if a "no" will save you a lot of grief, it's better to say no - rather than suffer the next 3 mins and come out feeling disappointed about it. And if you do say yes, take responsibility for that "yes" by adjusting your expectations and reminding yourself - this is who this person is, and how he/she likes to dance, and i am the one who said yes so i have a responsibility as well. If the other person would do the same, then it shows a willingness on the part of both parties to try and make the 3 mins worthwhile. It's quite simple really, but i think this understanding is not present in our minds when we go for a social. We're not going to try and change the motivations, values, beliefs and desires of the various people who come for dancing. Each one is unique and has every right to be there, whether its recreational or serious, exercise or artistic, show off-flashy or simple enjoyment, beginner or advanced dancer. I'm just going to try and understand the person more and adapt my dancing (if & where possible) and also adjust my expectations and compromise where it's needed in order to make the next 3 mins, the best possible time for us. If each person came to each 3min dance with this perspective, what a world of difference it would make, instead of coming to the dance with all these (false and probably wrong) assumptions about what dancing means to each individual. Compromise is also a 2 way street - both parties have to make concessions in order for this to work. Sometimes i hear advice being given that the more skilled dancer "dance down" for the less skilled dancer in order to make the partnership more successful. I think that is unfair to the more skilled dancer. It is something that is up to the more skilled dancer to consider, but it should be a choice, not a given in scenarios like that. The reason for this is because ultimately, all enjoyment in dance comes from authentic expression - if a dancer is "dancing down" he/she is not dancing authentically, i.e. true to themselves. If a dancer cannot express themselves authentically throughout the whole night of social dancing, i think there would be a lot of disappointment and frustration. (this too is a complex issue and shouldn't be reduced to such a general statement but for brevity's sake and not overly complicating this blog post we shall leave it at that) In the end, the desire to change is personal and lies solely with the indiviudal involved. If you are getting feedback that you are not pleasant to dance with, the responsibility lies with you to find out why and whether you would want to change. Ultimately, our social dance is about PARTNERSHIP, so the change will be for the betterment of that. Tying this post up, in conclusion - - i would like to say, take time to think about things. Take time to think about what you think is good/bad, right/wrong and then discuss that with other dancers. Have a conversation and learn about other people and their motivations (not everyone values airsteps, not everyone values good tecnique etc). - Become technically versatile so you can change the way you dance. Bring the understanding with you that everyone's different and wants different things, but it is the personal responsibility of each person to find that out about the other person, and not impose one's personal viewpoint on the other through assumptions. - Know that good/bad & right/wrong are dependent on what qualities you use to measure them with and what values you prefer in dance. - Finally, make an effort to communicate and find places to compromise to make that 3 min song the best possible 3 mins that you can make it. We all know that the purpose of dance is to enjoy ourselves, to feel alive and authentic, and to express ourselves. With better skills and better understanding we can do just that. This post is by no means exhaustive, if you want to come talk to me, come look for me after class or on Fridays. See you on the dance floor somewhere! Comments are closed.
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