Last Friday 16th Nov after socials was the first ever t3 - Teh Tarik Time! The response was incredible. I had not expected such a big crowd, and i am very happy about it.
I was super worried about seating, so i must find ways to make that process easier. This doesn't work if the group has to sit separately. At least 5 people have to sit together in order for this to work, groups of 8 or 10 are fantastic if we can arrange the seating for it. Some scene leaders or organizers talk about community engagement or community bonding through a social activity. It is believed that a scene grows because there is a social activity (outside of dance) attached to the community. It could be anything, ranging from sports to supper to baking to movies....the whole point being a way for people to spend time together and bond. Without this type of social activity, the community doesn't grow, or has a high turnover as people leave the scene. I confess i have always been a little too much "about the dance", so i could never understand all this talk. I thought, "Aren't people coming here for the dance itself? Or the unique music that we play?" I also thought, "Dance is so much fun, i get so much fulfillment out of dancing!" .........But.....i was wrong on both counts. Over the years, i have learnt people come to the dance for so many different reasons, and also, not everyone can easily find fulfillment in purely the dance itself. There are many reasons for that but this blog post won't delve into that. Instead, i 'll just say...."Oooohhhh. I see." (for those of you that understand Japanese or read/watch anime - insert "naru hodo" + *nods head vigorously* here) Enter - the Mama Supper, a cultural tradition for us A mama supper is a uniquely Singaporean and Malaysian thing. Supper itself is not, but a mama supper.....which Singaporean or Malaysian doesn't know that?!? Lionel Tan, globe trotting Lindy Hopper and one of the founders of LindyKL, told me that to have a mama supper brings back memories for him. Memories of the early years of LindyKL, where they would go to supper after dance and eat roti/prata and have a drink. It was the same for me, as an NTU student, I remember the years where we would go out for late night suppers, sometimes at a mama store, sometimes at Macdonald's, sometimes at whatever 24 hour kopitiam was accessible, and we would have the best conversations or the best memories of hanging out from those times. I never thought to put two and two together. In some way, organizing t3 seemed a little contrived. Anyone of you guys can understand - it's about the group that is already there, formed - that decides to go for the supper. In my uni days, the group was Kinetics, those of us who practiced and then were hungry after dance practice went out as a group to indulge in supper. Other times, it was the tutorial group after working late on a project, deciding to go out for supper together, or the hall group. But the group was always there first, not the supper. So it seemed a little odd to me to put the supper first to help in forming the group. I've been a dancer and teacher a long time, sometimes i forget how beginner dancers feel. Coming to socials alone, that's a real challenge. It's scary and sometimes you feel so alone or left out, and if you don't already know some people at the social, asking for a dance is embarrassing and super tough. And then you're worried about your lead and following and you're worried about how badly you're dancing or if you're boring your partner and then that all kinda makes dancing stressful and difficult to be happy or fulfilled about. (None of that is wrong, by any chance, it's just how it is in the early years of everyone's dancing, don't beat yourself up over that) And sometimes in between dances if you didn't get a partner to dance the next song with, you stand at the wall by yourself and that too feels stressful and alone. The reason why t3 works is because it just gives an opportunity for people to get to know each other better in a setting everyone can relate to - the supper setting. I think the idea of organizing specialized activities that are supposed to create a bonding effect is too much effort and makes the whole activity feel rather contrived - for example, if i were to organize a movie marathon or laser tag just for people to bond (for the sake of dance!!). I think the best bonding activities are the simplest and closest to our hearts, the ones with the least contrivance and the ones we already know how to do, like supper. At ILHC this year, i attended Mickey Davidson's talk on being a black dancer in the 1980s, and i remember she said (i paraphrase) that going to the toilet was something that could create bonding! The black women, would get to know each other better when they passed by each other in the toilet, making comments about the men; passing stories; shooting sarcastic remarks about someone's clothes; all the while freshening their makeup or washing their hands! (you have to listen to her tell this story!!) So...i'm not saying we should do that but...if you believed Mickey...these women bonded while going to the toilet! It's not really any different for dancers who have been dancing for a while. You probably haven't had a chance to get to know everyone who goes, and there are some people you usually don't ask for a dance or don't speak to, because you don't know them. None of this is about artificially creating one big happy dancing family, to me that's contrived. I think it's just about having a good time, and getting to know more people and getting to know more people better. And how does it help the community grow? I think that people get to know each other better, and they feel more and more comfortable and familiar with each other, and that makes for a better dancing experience. When you're familiar with someone, there is so much less stress during the dancing itself. U feel at ease, u feel comfortable, u feel like it dun matter if you tripped a bit or smacked your partner a bit (just a bit), u feel like laughing while u're dancing because its so damn funny and u're having such a good time with this other person, u feel like u're safe because u have spent more time with this person and have gotten to know him/her better ... all of that makes for an overall better dancing experience. And then the magic in dancing really begins to shine because then...with all this new ease and comfort and familiarity, the partnership and the communication and the understanding soars, and u can take risks in your lead or follow, u can do funny steps to make your partner laugh, u can attempt tricky footwork. So that really increases the possibilities for dance. And definitely, once you know someone else who is standing alone at the wall waiting for the next song, you could dance together or you could just talk. It works out for the best. Ours is ultimately, a partnered social dance. If we don't feel comfortable dancing with someone because we have just met or don't know each other well; or if dancers stand by the wall and feel alone or embarrassed to ask people for a dance or just talk, then the dancing experience itself suffers, and when the dancing experience itself is less than stellar, why would people come for/stay for socials?? I am all about the dance, but if late night suppers and teh tarik can help boost your dance experience i am all for that too. Here's to more t3 sessions and better social dancing wherever you dance! Comments are closed.
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